all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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