So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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