This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
