I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
