Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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