Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
