i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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