Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
