On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
