I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
