My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize