he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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