Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
PANTIES FOUND
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize