just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
