is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
