I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
