just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize