She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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