Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
