Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
