Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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