put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want her autograph on my taint
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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