I accidentally had phone sex last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
