after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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