my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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