Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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