It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
