Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
