We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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