In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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