What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
