Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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