On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
