You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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