i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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