Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
