he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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