WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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