I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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