i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
