Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
