pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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