when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
