its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize