another moral hangover. fuck.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
