"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
