I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
