a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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