So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And then my night got REAL pukey
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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