tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize