I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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