Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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