oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
