I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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