I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
