Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize