had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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