dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
