Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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