Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize