my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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