He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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