I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
