Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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