Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
